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| I miss being a tired, battered fighter. At least it was with you.
"I know it was me who called it over, but I still wish you'd fought me 'til your dying day. Don't let me get away."
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| I haven't felt just genuinely sad in a while.
It's a bit refreshing to really feel something again.
But it's also, obviously, quite disheartening.
You make me wonder what could have been. | | |
| She had a need to feel the thunder
To chase the lightening from the sky
To watch a storm with all its wonder
Raging in her lover's eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burning bright
Rushing headlong in the wind
Out where only dreams had been
Burning both ends of the night
There are many many crazy things
That will keep me loving you
And with your permission
May I list a few
The way you wear your hat
The way you sip your tea
The memory of all that
No they cant take that away from me
The way your smile just beams
The way you sing off key
The way you haunt my dreams
No they cant take that away from me
We may never never meet again, on that bumpy road to love
But Ill always, always keep the memory of
The way you hold your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life
No they cant take that away from me
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| One thing in which I take solace is the fact that friends come in all varieties, ages and sizes, so it doesn't matter who they are, which greatly widens the pool from which I can draw. Two of the greatest friends I have in life are pushing 40 and both single. True, they are my former high school teachers, and many would argue that they are just mentors. But mentors don't ask you about your love life or tell you tales about their college escapades. I am so thankful for these two men and really should keep in touch much better with both of them.
After a good, long talk with both of them today, I feel a sort of renaissance within myself about my original hopes and dreams. They reminded me today that I am very much an independent spirit, free to make my own choices, working best under my own guidelines and reservations. One also reminded me about my original love for biology, not just "the environment." And so I have raised the bar in my search for an internship, looking now for a job that involves my first love of biology while incorporating my learned love of communications. The marriage will be an unlikely, yet happy one. I can't wait.
"I ain't settlin' for just gettin' by
I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life
Tired of shootin' too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything"
I want to travel. And I will travel. No matter the costs to my personal life or my love life. So much of me just wants to go, and I feel strings from my ankles tugging at their attachments in the ground below. These strings are easily snipped loose with the blade of independence and intuition.
"I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change,
But 'til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love,
It comes at much too high a cost
I'd sooner buy defying gravity"
New outlook, new chapter in the life of Audrey. I am so ready, so bring it on.
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| There are lots of silly thoughts running through my head today and recently. Today, I'm just going to list them instead of writing a flurry of words all up in the air, just surrounding one central idea.
Why is everyone in such a hurry to get married? Really? I'll be honest and mention that it had definitely been on the front of my mind for a while. I like to entertain such romantic notions of togetherness and home. However, I now realize that if we don't live for today, we lose so many little opportunities that could take root and grow into huge, life-changing experiences. However, if marriage is your today, then by all means make it your tomorrow, next week and next year. I don't even want to think of it right now.
"I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me so I can say 'This is the way that I used to be.'"
I don't think I could ever live in a suburb. Cookie-cutter houses placed right next to each other, placed as if in a kindergarten line to the city. I do not want to know my neighbor's business, nor do I want them knowing mine if I don't volunteer information. I'm certainly not antisocial, I just like the idea of "home" being mine. Not bleeding into someone else's.
"Oh, and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna to teach them to fly."
I miss the South. So much.
"I want to walk through all your open doorways, I want to drink down all your cheap wine."
I can't wait to get to Athens and just have some solitude. It's been a while since I've just been able to be away from everyone who thinks they know me and just get to know myself. Soul-searching? Yes, please.
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